Who will actually support me when i was weak?

HOLIDAY!!! Yes the best time in my life is sunday!!! my perfect day!!! This is the day where i really enjoy sleeping, although i know i still got a mount everest height of homework waiting for me. Aiya who cares, as long as i get enough sleep, eventually i will got enough concentration to work on it. Suddenly, my mom knock the door and told me that....... WHAT!!!! Today got facial treatment!!! Omg, there goes my wonderful holiday plan. I really do not wish to go, but did i have a choice? It has been a routine since 4 months ago to go facial treatment. So, i think i will skip my sleeping day for once.


" O hi, how are u, let me have a look in your face, o wow, your face is really working well.... hey who is this, where is the person who used to treat me. O ya, i almost forgot, my mom told me she go further her study overseas. Hmm, i think people come in and leave in your memory without noticing huh. This is the 1st time a new person who take care of me, i hope it will be fine.

Facial.... in people mind they think that it is a time to relax yourself, you know something like aromatherapy, spa, massage and things like that. But my condition is totally different, i remember my 1st time i came into the treatment center, the working staff is shocked to see my face all covered with red scar. She told me mum that, if i not going to start the course now, i need to see a doctor to get a drug to suppress my condition, or things could be worse. And now , i am in the course, that person told me that my condition is extremely critical, so maybe will take a longer time compared to others, maybe 3 months or so? Ahh, i think 3 month will not do well, i really hope i can get it done within 1 month, cause i leaving my friend soon , after we graduate? At least let me to give them a good image for them before we leave, at least for once...

Imaging a treatment takes 3 hours to complete. The front part of it is amazing, absolutely relaxing, i can sleep within that time. But who can actually fall asleep in 15mins? Omg, that 15mins of paradise means business. It is followed by the most scary part, the needle part. Imaging u taking a needle and a scalper, thrust into your face, and the pain kept increasing, averaging 5 minutes each. And the whole course takes about 2 and a half hours. I wonder how i get all the strength to withstand all the pain for 2 and a quarter hour. The 1st treatment i manage to withstand it, but in the second treatment, the pain increase dramatically, cause my skin starting to get dry due to the treatment, every second of it really send shivers down the spine.
I am in pain, i really in pain, who can help me??!!! I am just like a little boy who lost in a forest, screaming for help but no once came, running here and there, but dont know where to go. At this moment, i really like to hear someone telling me, even in a slightest sound, JIA YOU!! DONT LOST!! KEPT TRYING!!! KEPT FIGHTING!!! But who will actually tell me that? the voice i wanna hear is no more, the spirit that i once had is no longer exist. Who i actually can rely to? Who exactly i can seek help from? ALL I WANNA SEE NOW, IS THE PINK LITTLE WORD JIA YOU!! Even that tiny little request also get refused? Then what is the purpose i working so hard for? What is the reason i kept fighting? Why!!!

ying xin : Hey are you trying to be lazy?
Pei Shian: No i just taking a break haha
ying xin: Ok, but continue jia you o. We make an agreement to get good results d
Pei Shian: Kk, haha now i going to study

Ahh, to think a form 2 girl actually cheer me up is really surprising, but it is really mean something. If no one i can really rely on, then i will rely on myself. To think that pink words will come out again is really ridiculous, i do not wish to become another destructor again. I promise myself i will change myself, i will not repeat the same mistake again, i dont wanna see the same situation again... it is really depressing, or should i said it is worst mistake of my life. If the words will not come out on its on, i will work without it. If there is no one will actually i can trust on, then i will do all the things all by myself. From today onward, i need to learn to be self-centered a bit, rather than following what others does. I will trust my word more than others, i trust my action more than anyone else. If no one will actually support me, the only thing i can do, i prevent myself for getting weak